I know its not Love, i know its not affections that cause all these memories. I know that what i want is his heart (literally) in my hand so i can squeze it right before his eyes and right before i end his sufferings so he can taste an absolute pain. I know it sounds so psychopathic and i know i will never get a chance to do such thing so long i am still a sane woman (Police,or other legal bodies, please do not get me wrong, i am a NORMAL hearbroken girl, and those are only unusual symptoms)).
Ok..lets write a lil drama and truth here...Because of this motherf**ker, i lost trust on my best friend, i lost my self confidence and to gain it i've spent thousand to make myself look good, i went out shopping impulsively to sooth the pain, i am so desperate to loose weight just to show him that i can be as beautiful as my best friend. But at the end iknow i can never compete with her. Its not her to be blamed, its me who was too naive to believe that this f**king dude would love me, would want an ugly girl to walk beside him all the time. Well, realizing the ugly truth, i ran back into Yuz's arms as i know he wont mind having an ugly b*tch as his gf, wont mind hugging and kissing this fat woman. After all, iknow he has sacrificed alot for me and he has never ask for a return, except for my love and loyalty. I love this man, i can never repay him for what he did (and still doing) for me. Look, i love him but my heart is just too empty to accept all his words (simply because he's a man). but i know someday i will repay all my debts to him with my loyalty and some love to be developed in a later stage of life. God, help me to be strong so i can be his strength through out his life. Amin..
All other friends find her to be flirtatious with that motherfucker. Not to portray a goodie me, but as much as i can i want to keep this friendship. That i think thats just her, and she is herself,again she is not to be blamed. I am trying not to see things from a dark side, trying to believe that the world still have some fairness here and there. However, now i think the angels and the devils in me are in a duel and the winner yet to be determined. What am i gonna do? My biggest fear came to me when i least expect it.. Which then lead to unreadiness, and a complete numbness.. what am i gonna do?...
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