before aku start penuhkan page ni dgn kemarahan, dendam and kekecewaan aku yg penah aku rase dulu, aku cume nak bgtau yg aku sekarang happy dgn hidup aku, aku puas hati dgn ape yg tuhan kurniakan setakat ini.. Dan.. aku bersyukur yg Allah telah tunjukan betapa tak sesuainya engkau sebelum aku sendiri tersedar.. I am glad, Alhamdulillah..
Though i know that you do not want to know how i felt after we broke up, and as much as i assume, you must have been very happy after we ended our relationship because you may freely dating, flirting or even fucking other girls as many as you want. But i still wanna tell you how it was to deal with a break up so u can prepare urself for one in future. I admit, the first 2 months i missed you. It was so hard to erase you from my mind. I have mix feelings about you..To hate you, or to miss u..or even to love u. But then i realize that what i felt towards you was mainly anger and grudge. It kept on increasing day after day so much so that i even have dreams in my sleep where i killed u violently and mercilessly. Phewwh!! and i smiled when i woke up just to show that i am really happy if i can really kill you. You wanna know how much PAIN u caused me the whole time?Why dont you try to stab ur chest, directly to your heart with a blunt blade. Thats just exactly how i felt..while the blood thats coming out? That just how much tears i cried. I langsung x mereka2 cerita pasal ni.. Mmg tu yg i rase sepanjang mase. Nak tau lebih lg? I cant event listen to the songs we used to karaoke together, i cant even listen to the songs you used to frequently played in ur car when we were together, and not even to the song i used as a ringtone when i was with u..Gosh..it hurts so bad that i wanna cry every single fucking time.. You know how does it feel each time i came across those songs? it felt like i wanna lock myself in an unknown white and big room with nothing in it so nothing will remind me about u!!!
U promised me an eternal love, u promised me a future together, u promised me a MARRIAGE for GOd freaking sake!. Then suddenly u told me u have doubts about me and about us?? U come out with all sorts of reasons why we were not meant for each other, Gosh! what were u thinking? If you dont want me, why cant u just tell me on my fucking face that u dont want me.? And that i was just too ugly to walk or even stand beside u, that you find my best friend is much attractive than i was? You know how much it effected me? Just put it this way..i spent almost thousands just to make myself to look good if not better, at least equally beautiful to 'my best friend'. Do u remember ur answer when i asked you about ur feelings towards her? Cant remember? now let me type every fucking word you replied to me
"if i ade perasaan kat dia sekalipun, belum tentu dia ade perasaan kat i"..
Yes, i remember every single thing though i've deleted the text immediately after i read it 5 months ago. Now why dont you put urself in my shoes and imagine the one u LOVEd, ADORED and the one who promised u all the sweetness in the world to you suddenly come out with that killing text, that demands your tears to roll out endlessly..Unless u never loved the women, u wont feel anything if she's in love with ur best friend.. But, i LOVED u, I NEEDED u, I WANTED u to be with me back then but it all come crashing down simply by that one fucking sms reply from you. I can still remember the pain.. It cuts me so deep that i could wish to just loose my memories. What i am telling you now is exactly what i felt the last time.. no bluffing, only the truth..
So many times i pathetically cried over YOU! someone whom i know has never LOVED me at all. While i was crying, u could be out there flirting and fucking every girls. Do you know how it made me feel? i'd rather be in state of comma than to think about u. On our break up, u keep on pointing my mistake to publish what i felt about our shaky relationship on my facebook status, where u were not happy about it?. I remember and i remembered i apologized to you because i know that were my mistakes. I realized i should have never did it. I wanna ask u now.. WILL YOU APOLOGIZE to me for causing months of pains and heartaches to me? At this point, i know that you will never apologize and you are free to think that u're right to have left me, but I just want u to know, Allah MAHA Adil and i believe in KARMA.. That you'll taste the same exact if not more pains as i did when you call it off. You will cry at night, you will have the hard time to sleep when the only thing on your mind is her.. i pray that you will taste all that..
You know what.. I was at the peak of happiness with you when you call it off, when u wanna leave me.. imagine an analogy here..You've asked me to climb a mountain together just so we can look at the beautiful sunset from the top of the mountain. And there u go, u pushed me off the mountain while i am still looking at the bright color of the sunset.
I did not get the chance to tell you all these. i held my grudge very seriously because the truth is, the hatred that i have now is just equal (atau mungkin lebih lg) than the love i used to have toward u..Allah Maha Adil and i hope you can prepare for ur turn as i pray hard that you will get ur part of the pain..
After we ended everything, i ran back to my ex arms.. He wiped the tears away, heal the wound you cut on my heart. Amazingly, he accepted me back though i left him to be with u back then. I heard that you were so jealous of him and thats the main reason why u left me was'nt it? FUCK! Cant u tell me if its really true? cant u just tell me that you do not want me to be in contact with him? i've known him for 7 yrs and you told me countlessly that you'll wait for me till im ready. But u just impatient enough and that just reflects your immaturity! i've fucking told you for so many times that i sacrificed alot, i MEAN really, ALOT just to be with you. I accepted you the way you were, though you do not have a stable job, though i know you're younger than i am, though you're a potential playboy. But u just dont get it do u? Shamelessly here i am telling u, I did loved you, you were everything me back then, however i left him only to let my heart broken by YOU!
Its your right to think that im a bitch to ran back to my ex when you left me.. But before you do, take a look on yourself. You left me, you left me with all sorts of reason, including that u're in love with my best friend. Remember, i left my ex for you, because i wanted you and i thought living with you would sound promising and i love the idea we'd be having family together. And all the time with you, i've tried my hardest to make you happy bcz i know you traveled seremban-kl every time and i just want you to go back home with smiles on your face when u think of me. But that just not enough for you was'nt it? Remember, i have tried hardest to maintain our relationship. the reason why i go back to my ex because i know he will never disappointed me the way you did to me. And yeah, he's taller than you and i can finally wear heels as much as i want, EVERYTIME. ( i said this just to sakitkan hati u). So, think twice before you want to judge to what i do.
Maybe one day i can forgive you.. But i will never forget. These pain u caused, made me pray everyday that nobody in my life will ever experience this, because it was just too painful, hurtful and beyond words.. ape i tulis tu sume ape i rse sebelum ni..skang ni i hepi tp i masih xdpt nak kurangkan rase menyesal i .. menyesal sbb i biarkn diri i terjebak dgn u...menyesal sbb i biar u dtg umah pakcik i..menyesal sbb i approved u dlm facebook i lame dulu..
P/s: i xmampu nak taip dlm bhsa melayu, sbb bunyinye akan lebih kedengaran kejam.. kalau xphm, cari la translator sendiri.
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